The Find Me a Man Project

Hello fans, family, and random people alike. I haven't posted in awhile because I was off loving Montana, and then I really had nothing to talk about, and then I was busy, and then I was lazy -- but now I'm none of those things! I am just hanging out in my freshly cleaned room, trying to decide what to wear to work today. Not like it matters, on average a single guy comes into our work once every 3 months. And an attractive single guy comes in to our store probably once every six months. So, I probably should just be rolling out of bed and showing up in my nighties. Seems like the most viable option.

Today is an exciting day. Today is the day you all read this post, and realize that you

know of (or are) a single man who you want to set me up with!! Guys, I need me a boyfriend. So let's make this happen. And I'm only semi-joking too. I really do need a man. And I really do want you all to read this little list of glory and think over the men in your life. Don't feel pressured to find a guy for me to go out with, and then find someone who you just know

wouldn't be my kind a guy. I don't want boring or lame dates here people. I just want to get to know guys who I would like! So, now you're wondering, well what kind of a guy does she like? Who should I pick? How old is too old? How young is too young? Is it alright if he's missing a leg?! I will answer all these questions, except the leg one, because that's ridiculous. And besides I'm not a horrible person, so obviously any and all amputees are definitely a possibility. So, here we go:

Find jen a Man, 2011*:

Do you know of, or are you yourself, a single 25 year old (or older) man who has a love for big red curly hair, freckles, and crazy energy? Do this man, or yourself, find himself living in Utah, but often times sits at windows pining for a new home at a not so distant point in his life?

Does this man, or you yourself, enjoy spending time with someone who has a lack of a quiet inside voice? If you answered yes to these questions, then we are on the right track indeed! If you answered no, then probably this man is not for me. If it you are the single man and answered yes, then for heavens sake, just call me up! But if you answered no, then let's go ahead and be friends, yeah? If you feel lost at any point in this posting, just refer to the photos of various men that I have provided you with. Now find me a man that looks something like one of these photos.

The following are other traits that are preferred, but not

required. I would hope the man for me has at least four of these things. If he was all of these things, that would be a bit creepy...... Anyways, the list:

-Owns a dog

-Loves watching movies

-Vegetarian/Understanding of people who are vegetarians

-Longs to change the world

-Loves nature

-Feels comfortable with buying me lots of shoes

-Loves reading

-Often longs to lay in a hammock for hours on end

-Has a car

-Has a car other than the color white

-Tells immature/lame jokes

-BEARDED (now, I say this is not required, but if we're being honest, I rarely go for a clean shaven guy... sorry all those of you who pride yourselves in a close shave.)

-Taller than me by at least two inches

-Less than 32 years old

-Owns a scooter

-Wears sweaters of the button up variety

-Finds himself saying old fashioned types of words, like bicycle instead of bike. And let's shall instead of

whatever else you would say instead of let's shall.

-Not so photogenic, so I won't feel guilty for messing up our endless profile pictures

-Easy going, mostly so I can boss him around (JK! But seriously.)

-Funny, not just mediocrely so -- like legit I pee my pants often because I am laughing so hard, funny

-Tattoos. *double eyebrow wave*

-Quirky, so Pee-Wee's playhouse is your favorite TV

show, or you're obsessed with graphic novels solely written in French, or you find yourself with interesting facial hair (such as an extreme handle bar mustache) ---

then you are the type of quirky I am lookin for!

-Employed

-Can beatbox

-Knows the lyrics to at least one N'Sync song

-Driven

-Dreams of living in a caravan in the woods

-Doesn't insult the pacific northwest

-Loves animals

-Goes to every concert possible

-NERDY

-Can name at least ten Red Hot Chili Pepper's songs

-Owns fashionable scarves

-Loves Cassie (This one is a must. If he doesn't get along with

Cass, then he definitely isn't the guy for me.)

-Not obsessed with the notion of marriage.

-Doesn't mind loud belching.... no, like really really loud belching.

-Creative

-Outgoing, but also loves just sitting at home, spending time together.

-Will text for hours on end about nothing in particular.

-Visits people at work, just to say hey.

Here are some DEAL BREAKERS:

-Republican, and can't stop talking about it (I hate discussing politics, especially when they're not my own).

-Currently in jail

-Lives farther than 100 miles away

-Hunts

-Heavy drug user, recreational drug use is fine-no one is

perfect. (Ok, fine.... no drugs. But I'm just reminding you all that I'm getting up there in age, so I gotta be willing to take what I can get!)

-Takes things too seriously.

-Isn't open to ever having facial hair. Ridiculous.

-Doesn't ever want to have any pets

-Wants a lot of kids

-Hopes to live in Utah for an eternity

-Feels content working fast food the rest of his life. (Haha, I almost wrote his/her life, then I remembered what this list was for --- nope, , his.)

-Follows the norms of society blindly

-Skinny, and can help it. It's ok to gain some weight, ya know? But I mean, let's say you try and try, but just stay skinny -- well I'm sure you're attractive just the way you are. ;)

Congrats! You made it through the list. Now here's what's in it for you....

The Finder's Fee Scale**:

If we start dating: $10

If we date for longer than a month: $20

Engaged: $50

Marriage: You get a sense of joy that cannot be found anywhere else, and that should be good enough for you!!

(And if you have read this list and fallen madly in love with me, and long to date me this very instant, well then first of all I'm awake so call me. And secondly, you getting to be with me is payment enough, so you don't get the finder's fee. Sorry!)

Thanks for your help! Let me know if you come up with someone.

Also, our house is clean -- so everyone relish that for just a minute. It's spotless!! And I am going to go to the Decemberists concert tomorrow night, so I am definitely excited about that. And I go to seattle in 5 days. And that's all. Get outta here.

*I reserve the right to pass on any men that you might think are meant for me. I also reserve the right to modify and adjust the list periodically.

**I owe you's are an acceptable form of payment.