Contentment.

(This week's song is Help, I'm Alive by Metric. ----> )

As my family all sits in the other room hollering over the current World Series ball game, I snuck away to make a quick addition to this here blog of mine. I have had an epiphany tonight, and it's really sappy, but even more heart felt than just sap. I thought about not posting it, because one man's heart felt is another man's yawn. But, I figure if I post about all of the bad, then you better buckle up and be prepared for me to post about all of the good too. And trust me, this one is good. But first ---- a bathroom break ----------

......

OK. Ready. So, to start this off, I think it's fairly common knowledge that I had a pretty terrible childhood. Nothing horrendous, I have some great childhood memories, but I probably have a lot more terrible childhood memories than most of you. My parents loved me. I had a home, clothes, and food. I had the best two friends that anyone could ever ask for. I had an amazing dog who stuck by my side no matter what. And most importantly I had the best sister the world has ever known. (I say all this in past tense, but I still have most of these things today. Although Carmel has moved onto Heaven -- now I get Samwise.) So, it wasn't the worst childhood in the world. But all my life I've been so mad about what I had to go through. I was just a kid, ya know? None of it was my fault. Definitely not fair. We all go through things that aren't fair. My uncle was in an accident and lost a finger, and will never have full use of his left hand again. My aunt had a brain tumor that took her from us way too soon. One of my good friends has been battling cancer most of his (very young) life, and will continue to battle it for years to come. My aunt, Beth, also had to undergo surgery for breast cancer. We all have these stupid things that make us scream to the heavens at some point, "This is NOT fair!"

So where's the happiness in all this? Where's the turn around? I know I'm tearing up over here, so maybe you are on your end too. So, let's cheer this up. And then you can tear up in a good way.

Tonight, while home with most of my family (I say my family, which might make you think of parents, but these are not technically my parents. My family consists of Dave and Grace, my aunt and uncle, and my amazing cousins. Then put my sister into the mix. And for good measure throw my real parents back in... well there ya have it, that's my entire family. But in terms of tonight I'm talking Dave and Grace, Maddie and Julianne. We miss Rachel.)...anyways -- while sitting home with most of my family, Dave exclaimed, "Why can't life just be fair?!" To be fair to Dave, he was mostly joking with a little bit of serious on the side. I was reading a newspaper next to him, and stopped to ponder a moment when he said those words, "Why can't life just be fair". And it hits me! No joke! Just like that - snap - crack - pop - hits me. "If life were fair, you wouldn't have me." That's what I said. I just looked up from my paper and said it. And no joke. Just like that. I'm not mad about my childhood any more. Sure I wish my parents loved me like all of my other aunts and uncles loves their kids. (I know my parents love me deeply, don't get me wrong. Just in our own weird parent/child kinda way.) I'm going to wish that my whole life. But, I wouldn't give up being a part of the Taylor's family for that. No. Way. I love my family. I love having my parents, and having Dave and Grace as parents. I love my sister. But I love having three more sisters too. If life were fair, I wouldn't have this many people to love me and support me. I'm glad life's not fair. I still wish that Dave had all his fingers, and I miss Lynnanne every single day, and I continually curse the heavens for my friend who has cancer. I continually thank the heavens that my aunt, Beth, is now cancer free. But I don't wish to go back and change my life. Not anymore. Because I got a family out of all that mess. I got an even bigger family than I ever could have imagined. And I love them all more than you could ever imagine.


And that's my sappy, feel good post of the week. So weep your tears if you will. But I'm gonna go eat some birthday cake!! Gotta jet! They're callin me in.

Happy 25th Birthday to my amazing Julianne!!!!